I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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