John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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