Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
