yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
