I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
