I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
