Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
