I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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