she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
