I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
