If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think pants incapable of making pants work
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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