Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
