she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
