we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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