She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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