I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
