textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
