oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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