If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
