She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
