I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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