im six kinds of drunk right now
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
