If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You need Xanax blowdarts
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
