you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
