Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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