so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
