Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
