I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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