Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
