So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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