My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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