No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
