roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
