You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
