Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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