I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
