Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
