It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
