So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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