I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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