i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
