I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
