would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
