Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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