For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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