At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
