Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize