i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You work out of a Hotel?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
