Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
