Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
