Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
