well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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