Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
