Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We need to get me chipped asap
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