After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
