You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
