Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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