so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i believe in u and ur pee
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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