ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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