your thong is hanging out like whoa
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
