I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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