she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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