Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
