If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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