Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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