I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize