Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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