when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
